Do You Love Her?

*post can also be found here*

While progression seeps into the minds of the youth, there are plenty of indoctrinated practices that forces progress to tarry with regression. We dwell in societies that instill fear to create order. In one of my stories, I wrote about a mother who struggled with the idea of keeping her child. I’m not surprised that many didn’t like the main character; she didn’t want to have a child and was not affectionate to her newborn.

But I don’t know why people think that women who want to be mom’s don’t experience postpartum depression as well. Dad’s can go through it too… it’s a parental experience many times. Why wasn’t that character allowed to change their mind about their idea of motherhood? Why do we expect women to be filled with all the skills to nurture another being? Why are we still viewing femininity as something that must be understood, controlled, subjected to performative gender identities and ultimately… seen as a threat?

Are all women really born with the capability to be a mother?

Are all men really born with the capability to be a father? 

Do you pay attention to how your society enforces gender performance?

Check children’s toy aisles. Check the preaching of organized religions. Check media marketing. Check your guardians. 

Many struggle with protecting women because most weren’t taught to think of women as autonomous beings. The idea of “women” or “feminine” is typically in service or relation to someone/something else– to merge oneself instead of dare to “other” or even exist alone. Femininity has been taught to instill the concept of receptivity. For some reason… to receive is to be weak. Y’all don’t teach mean how to honor their own emotions, but expect them to know how to honor yours? How the hell does that work?

I suppose that’s why we keep entering relationships with fucked up masculine-archetypes who struggle to be kind to themselves therefore destroying the lives around them?

Don’t you dare ask him to receive his flaws… his humanity. Instead, let him continue to exercise his hurts through others with emotional, economic, and physical violence because he is to always give, and never receive…


That’s surely why I still see enough comments about the main character of my book needing to be open to a character I purposefully made to treat her poorly. Even then, people expected her to behave as a secondary, if not a last– especially with her sacrificial role as a mother.

But the idea of granting empathy to a supposedly inherent source of empathy seems unheard of. Meanwhile, some people don’t know that the one who plays a receptive role in their life is probably harboring secret hates to having to carry the emotional labor of their relationships. Do more than celebrate their birthday or Whatever‘s Day, and don’t expect a cookie for doing what’s been asked of you.

Now, you may be wondering why do I feel so strongly about the protection of women, motherhood, binary dynamics, femininity, and etc? Well, there are a variety of reasons, but I will keep to the tune of my aforementioned story. We still live in a society where– 9 years ago– a 12 year old victim was kidnapped, assaulted, and the predator was recently granted joint custody. The judge gave him his victim’s address and ordered his name be added to the birth certificate. On top of that, the victim was warned that she could not move more than 100 miles from where she is without the court’s permission. This is real, and the hearing is being held today (October 25, 2017).

Being subjected to shit like this and stating why it’s wrong is a form of emotional labor as well. Patriarchy is insane. So, my opinion remains: fuck that “but they’re blood” bullshit.

Large organized bodies– be it the government, religions, and family– can be, enable, and protect abusers.

Your safety comes first. Protect women. Period.

The only reason why most of us have any rights is a majority thanks to gender-queer women of color who were and still are brave enough to catalyze the first retaliations against the oppressors.   


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